I had sat for what seemed like an hour with no sense of energy left in my body. My body. I guess I could still say that even if that's not quite the feeling I had. It felt empty sitting in this vessel... like somehow i was detached from it and not actually residing within. Like... I had somehow lived my eighteen years of life not actually attached to the Earth, but instead just being guided by someone else's hand with no desires of my own able to be filled. I didn't feel in control. I didn't feel anything. I couldn't feel..
The water that was once warm had gone cold, yet I was too distracted to have realized it on my skin... again.. I didn't feel anything from this live corpse. I had reached out for someone, anyone to talk to... but I got the same treatment as always, "I tried to tell you" "You're just dramatic" "You need to sleep" or.. simply no reply at all. Now, i had understanding that sometimes people were just busy when I seemed to need them most... and quite thr opposite when you didnt. It wasn't anything that was their fault, but it certainly was something that was just having its way eating at my good luck only to spit back the bad at me. There was nothing that could be done for me. Finally, I felt something... something as i sat here with the cold water still running as before, except.. it wasnt that. It was my chest.. something had encased my heart causing a throbbing sensation im me... Something had made most of my body go limp as I just yearned for someone... anyone... to talk to... to listen... to care. My heart... hurt... it hurt.. it hurt...
It was in this moment that reading through this... you've come to realize... this isn't just another character.... this is me...
The water that was once warm had gone cold, yet I was too distracted to have realized it on my skin... again.. I didn't feel anything from this live corpse. I had reached out for someone, anyone to talk to... but I got the same treatment as always, "I tried to tell you" "You're just dramatic" "You need to sleep" or.. simply no reply at all. Now, i had understanding that sometimes people were just busy when I seemed to need them most... and quite thr opposite when you didnt. It wasn't anything that was their fault, but it certainly was something that was just having its way eating at my good luck only to spit back the bad at me. There was nothing that could be done for me. Finally, I felt something... something as i sat here with the cold water still running as before, except.. it wasnt that. It was my chest.. something had encased my heart causing a throbbing sensation im me... Something had made most of my body go limp as I just yearned for someone... anyone... to talk to... to listen... to care. My heart... hurt... it hurt.. it hurt...
It was in this moment that reading through this... you've come to realize... this isn't just another character.... this is me...