Unknown Lands

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Unknown Lands

Welcome to the world of Unknown Lands Roleplay Forum!

If you have questions you can create an account and post on our questions section or join our Discord! (https://discord.gg/jupj2Zh) If you have any questions on lore and our systems, please don't hesitate to ask us.

The Unknown Lands of Pandora is regarded as a "Multiverse" forum or a "Free Forum" meaning that we are not based on a single series, but rather multiple with our own custom systems. Each "Kingdom" of Pandora is another anime/cartoon series with other various sub series that make up the entire land.

We can't wait to meet you!

Unknown Lands

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Welcome Guest! Your last visit was . You have made 118 posts! Please welcome our newest member, DrDoctor!


    [Training] Ramen

    Toriel
    Toriel
    Magikarp VIP

    Gravestone How It's Made I Need A Medic! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Bloodmage's Burden
    Position : None
    Origin : De Fiore
    Posts : 799
    Sacred Shards : 23
    Class : C
    Level : 13
    Experience : 2555

    Character Sheet
    Character Name: Toriel Dremurr
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Primary Magic: ReQuip: Dremurr Armory

    [Training] Ramen Empty [Training] Ramen

    Post by Toriel Tue Apr 26, 2016 1:39 am

    Name: Ramen Fighter
    Nickname: Noodle
    Gender: Male
    Race: Fallen Spirit
    Age: Infinite
    Birthday: One/Eleven
    Sexuality
    : ???
    Unique Characteristics:  Always seen in his "Freedom Suit". What he looks like underneath has been unknown since his birth.

    Personality: Ramen loves to talk and have conversation with others. Compared to his samurai, he is the loud one. Ramen Fighter travels with Brushogun because like him, he lost his family. Ramen Fighter is determined to find a new place to call his 'family'. Ramen is an outgoing individual, full of knowledge and intelligence. Although he may be insanely smart, Ramen contains more of a childish outlook in life. Ramen likes, no LOVES, to work in a team. He finds himself more comfortable and free in a friendly environment. Ramen can fly indefinitely. He is an incredibly loyal and trusted ally and friend, always ready to give a helping hand. Ramen is always ready to head out in an adventure. He is invincible. He is also very curious in nature. Ramen is a strong believer in freedom and justice to the very core. If he winanted to, he would be very politically active. He much prefers, rather than get politically involved, to fight for freedom head on, a freedom fighter.


    Ramen, although people may find him immature, is an incredible mind. Rationalizing and finding solutions to a problem is what he does best. It may be that people do not wish to heed to his advice, but in the end they will find out that his source of intelligence is like no other. Due to his high intelligence level, he is an invaluable addition to any team. His strategic thinking and fast problem solving skills will anyone get themselves out of any holes they may find themselves in. Therefore, it is only logical to say he is a great counselor and advisor. In battle, he is most definitely a strategist, but, then again, he can be an amazing soldier... however, he has no physical form. Although he longs to fight for freedom, he depends on his friends for inspiration and motivation to save the world.

    Likes

    - Ramen (Food)
    - His father, Aknaid
    - His grandfather, Kaseki
    - His wife, Bea
    - His daughter, Yuna
    - His mother, Tenshioni

    Dislikes:
    - Blood
    - Halloween
    - Bugs


    Motivations:
    - Equality
    - Freedom
    - Fighting for something he believes in


    Fears/Disgusts:
    - His Grandmother, Xiaowei
    - The Dark
    - His comrade, Brushogun

    Eyes: Red
    Hair: N/A
    Height: 7'7 

    Weight: 29 kg 
    Complexion: Black


    Last edited by Toriel on Tue May 10, 2016 8:50 pm; edited 8 times in total


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Toriel Dreemurr | Frisk Swirly 
    [Training] Ramen 2a4q0bb
    [Training] Ramen 4jvsjp
    Theme Song (Road Taken | Calm)
    Battle Song (Road Taken | Roar)
    Toriel
    Toriel
    Magikarp VIP

    Gravestone How It's Made I Need A Medic! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Bloodmage's Burden
    Position : None
    Origin : De Fiore
    Posts : 799
    Sacred Shards : 23
    Class : C
    Level : 13
    Experience : 2555

    Character Sheet
    Character Name: Toriel Dremurr
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Primary Magic: ReQuip: Dremurr Armory

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Toriel Tue Apr 26, 2016 1:40 am

    @Noire grade this like you would any app.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Toriel Dreemurr | Frisk Swirly 
    [Training] Ramen 2a4q0bb
    [Training] Ramen 4jvsjp
    Theme Song (Road Taken | Calm)
    Battle Song (Road Taken | Roar)
    Noire
    Noire

    Gravestone I Need A Medic! I'm Important Too! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Gunslinger's Quickdraw
    Position : None
    Origin : Toonville
    Posts : 230
    Sacred Shards : 0
    Class : D
    Level : 1
    Experience : 130

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Noire Tue Apr 26, 2016 1:52 am

    @Toriel wrote:Name: Ramen Fighter
    Nickname: Noodle
    Gender: Quatzborg
    Race: -
    Age: Fallen Spirit
    Birthday: 1/11
    [i]Sexuality
    [i]: ???
    [i]Unique Characteristics[i]: Boy

    [i]Personality[i]: Ramen loves to talk and have conversation with others. Compared to his samurai, he is the loud one. Ramen Fighter travels with Brushogun because like him, he lost his family. Ramen Fighter is determined to find a new place to call his 'family'. Ramen cannot die. Ramen is an outgoing individual, full of knowledge and intelligence. Although he may be insanely smart, Ramen contains more of a childish outlook in life. Ramen likes, no LOVES, to work in a team. He finds himself more comfortable and free in a friendly environment. Ramen can fly indefinitely. He is an incredibly loyal and trusted ally and friend, always ready to give a helping hand. Ramen is always ready to head out in an adventure. He is also very curious in nature. Ramen is a strong believer in freedom and justice to the very core. If he wanted to, he would be very politically active. He much prefers, rather than get politically involved, to fight for freedom head on, a freedom fighter.

    Likes: (Please list 3 minimum)

    - Ramen (Food)
    - More Ramen

    Dislikes: (Please list 3 minimum)- Blood
    - Halloween

    Motivations: (Please list 3 minimum)
    - Equality
    - Freedom

    Fears/Disgusts: (Please list 3 minimum)
    - His Grandmother, Xiaowei
    - The Dark
    - His comrade, Brushogun

    Eyes: Cute
    Hair: N/A
    Height: 7'7 

    Weight: 600 Complexion: 

    • first off, gender must be either male or female.
    • secondly, you must put a race.
    • thirdly, fallen spirit can't be your age, but can be your race. for age, you can have any age, except none.
    • next, unique characteristic can't be boy, as that is a gender and everyone can be a boy or girl.
    • personality must be at least 300 words. please update your personality to be at least that much.
    • you must get rid of the (please list 3 minimum) from your likes, dislikes, fears and motivations.
    • in likes, you put ramen twice. this is the same things, so please get rid of it and change it for something different.
    • please put your first dislike under the dislike title, to not cause confusion.
    • you need at least 3 likes, dislikes and motivations. good work on putting three fears though, good job.
    • cute can't be your eyes. you could put something likes... small and blue or large, red and white. try to give it more description and don't just make it simple.
    • you can't put N/A for hair. you can put none or bold, but not N/A.
    • weight needs to be put into pounds.
    • what complexion are you? pale, light, tanned? please put a complexion down.


    once you have done this, bump and I'll look through again. good job so far, don't give up.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    [Training] Ramen 2e5v8dt
    Toriel
    Toriel
    Magikarp VIP

    Gravestone How It's Made I Need A Medic! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Bloodmage's Burden
    Position : None
    Origin : De Fiore
    Posts : 799
    Sacred Shards : 23
    Class : C
    Level : 13
    Experience : 2555

    Character Sheet
    Character Name: Toriel Dremurr
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Primary Magic: ReQuip: Dremurr Armory

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Toriel Tue Apr 26, 2016 2:14 am

    BUMP


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Toriel Dreemurr | Frisk Swirly 
    [Training] Ramen 2a4q0bb
    [Training] Ramen 4jvsjp
    Theme Song (Road Taken | Calm)
    Battle Song (Road Taken | Roar)
    Noire
    Noire

    Gravestone I Need A Medic! I'm Important Too! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Gunslinger's Quickdraw
    Position : None
    Origin : Toonville
    Posts : 230
    Sacred Shards : 0
    Class : D
    Level : 1
    Experience : 130

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Noire Tue Apr 26, 2016 2:35 am

    @Toriel wrote:Name: Ramen Fighter
    Nickname: Noodle
    Gender: MaleFemale
    Race: Fallen Spirit
    Age: Infinite
    Birthday: 1/11
    [i]Sexuality
    [i]: ???
    [i]Unique Characteristics[i]:  Always seen in his "Freedom Suit". What he looks like underneath has been unknown since his birth.

    [i]Personality[i]: Ramen loves to talk and have conversation with others. Compared to his samurai, he is the loud one. Ramen Fighter travels with Brushogun because like him, he lost his family. Ramen Fighter is determined to find a new place to call his 'family'. Ramen cannot die. Ramen is an outgoing individual, full of knowledge and intelligence. Although he may be insanely smart, Ramen contains more of a childish outlook in life. Ramen likes, no LOVES, to work in a team. He finds himself more comfortable and free in a friendly environment. Ramen can fly indefinitely. He is an incredibly loyal and trusted ally and friend, always ready to give a helping hand. Ramen is always ready to head out in an adventure. He is also very curious in nature. Ramen is a strong believer in freedom and justice to the very core. If he wanted to, he would be very politically active. He much prefers, rather than get politically involved, to fight for freedom head on, a freedom fighter.

    Likes

    - Ramen (Food)
    - His father, Aknaid
    - His grandfather, Kaseki
    - His wife, Bea
    - His daughter, Yuna
    - His mother, Tenshioni

    Dislikes: (Please list 3 minimum)- Blood
    - Blood
    - Halloween
    - Bugs


    Motivations:
    - Equality
    - Freedom
    - Fighting for something he believes in


    Fears/Disgusts:
    - His Grandmother, Xiaowei
    - The Dark
    - His comrade, Brushogun

    Eyes: Small
    Hair: N/A
    Height: 7'7 

    Weight: 29 kg Complexion: 

    you've made a few improvements but there are still problems.
    • gender must be one or the other, not both. pick between male OR female
    • for the likes, you put most of your family. you could have made it easier on yourself and just put family.
    • remove the blood next to fears, as it will make it harder for you to be approved.
    • once again, Hair can't be N/A. please put either bold or none.
    • for eyes, what color are they? I can't approve you with just small.
    • personality still needs more words, so please extend it as best as you can until it reaches 300 words.

    not a bad improvement. you just need to work a little harder. good job and good luck.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    [Training] Ramen 2e5v8dt
    Toriel
    Toriel
    Magikarp VIP

    Gravestone How It's Made I Need A Medic! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Bloodmage's Burden
    Position : None
    Origin : De Fiore
    Posts : 799
    Sacred Shards : 23
    Class : C
    Level : 13
    Experience : 2555

    Character Sheet
    Character Name: Toriel Dremurr
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Primary Magic: ReQuip: Dremurr Armory

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Toriel Tue Apr 26, 2016 2:47 am

    BUMP

    So there are a few things that can be N/A. N/A means non-applicable, or not there or non existant. Hair and eyes, for example, fall under this. It just means there is nothing under that category. Nickname can also be an example of this. For other things which are required, such as a name, height, weight, and so on, those will need some sort of information filled there. So Hair being N/A is just another way of saying none!


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Toriel Dreemurr | Frisk Swirly 
    [Training] Ramen 2a4q0bb
    [Training] Ramen 4jvsjp
    Theme Song (Road Taken | Calm)
    Battle Song (Road Taken | Roar)
    Noire
    Noire

    Gravestone I Need A Medic! I'm Important Too! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Gunslinger's Quickdraw
    Position : None
    Origin : Toonville
    Posts : 230
    Sacred Shards : 0
    Class : D
    Level : 1
    Experience : 130

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Noire Tue Apr 26, 2016 2:51 am

    @Toriel wrote:Name: Ramen Fighter
    Nickname: Noodle
    Gender: Male
    Race: Fallen Spirit
    Age: Infinite
    Birthday: 1/11
    [i]Sexuality
    [i]: ???
    [i]Unique Characteristics[i]:  Always seen in his "Freedom Suit". What he looks like underneath has been unknown since his birth.

    [i]Personality[i]: Ramen loves to talk and have conversation with others. Compared to his samurai, he is the loud one. Ramen Fighter travels with Brushogun because like him, he lost his family. Ramen Fighter is determined to find a new place to call his 'family'. Ramen cannot die. Ramen is an outgoing individual, full of knowledge and intelligence. Although he may be insanely smart, Ramen contains more of a childish outlook in life. Ramen likes, no LOVES, to work in a team. He finds himself more comfortable and free in a friendly environment. Ramen can fly indefinitely. He is an incredibly loyal and trusted ally and friend, always ready to give a helping hand. Ramen is always ready to head out in an adventure. He is also very curious in nature. Ramen is a strong believer in freedom and justice to the very core. If he wanted to, he would be very politically active. He much prefers, rather than get politically involved, to fight for freedom head on, a freedom fighter.


    Ramen, although people may find him immature, is an incredible mind. Rationalizing and finding solutions to a problem is what he does best. It may be that people do not wish to heed to his advice, but in the end they will find out that his source of intelligence is like no other. Due to his high intelligence level, he is an invaluable addition to any team. His strategic thinking and fast problem solving skills will anyone get themselves out of any holes they may find themselves in. Therefore, it is only logical to say he is a great counselor and advisor. In battle, he is most definitely a strategist, but, then again, he can be an amazing soldier... however, he has no physical form. Although he longs to fight for freedom, he depends on his friends for inspiration and motivation to save the world.

    Likes

    - Ramen (Food)
    - His father, Aknaid
    - His grandfather, Kaseki
    - His wife, Bea
    - His daughter, Yuna
    - His mother, Tenshioni

    Dislikes: (Please list 3 minimum)
    - Blood
    - Halloween
    - Bugs


    Motivations:
    - Equality
    - Freedom
    - Fighting for something he believes in


    Fears/Disgusts:
    - His Grandmother, Xiaowei
    - The Dark
    - His comrade, Brushogun

    Eyes: Red
    Hair: N/A
    Height: 7'7 

    Weight: 29 kg Complexion: 

    Really good improvement but... there are still a few things to do.

    • you still need three separate Likes. your entire family, besides grandmother who is in fears, can be placed in as one like, then you can make one more like. you can do it.
    • you still need to get rid of (please list 3 minimum) from dislikes.
    • you need to add a complexion for your character.


    besides all these, very well done. you've done very well. edit what is in the list then I'll see if there are any errors left. if not, then your free for approval.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    [Training] Ramen 2e5v8dt
    Toriel
    Toriel
    Magikarp VIP

    Gravestone How It's Made I Need A Medic! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Bloodmage's Burden
    Position : None
    Origin : De Fiore
    Posts : 799
    Sacred Shards : 23
    Class : C
    Level : 13
    Experience : 2555

    Character Sheet
    Character Name: Toriel Dremurr
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Primary Magic: ReQuip: Dremurr Armory

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Toriel Tue Apr 26, 2016 3:53 am

    BUMP

    For the likes for the family, having each seperate family member listed is fine. What if Ramen does not like his entire family and only wants to list certain ones? That's like saying if someone lists multiple foods, to just lump it all together as "Food". It would not be right, because  they only like certain foods!


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Toriel Dreemurr | Frisk Swirly 
    [Training] Ramen 2a4q0bb
    [Training] Ramen 4jvsjp
    Theme Song (Road Taken | Calm)
    Battle Song (Road Taken | Roar)
    Noire
    Noire

    Gravestone I Need A Medic! I'm Important Too! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Gunslinger's Quickdraw
    Position : None
    Origin : Toonville
    Posts : 230
    Sacred Shards : 0
    Class : D
    Level : 1
    Experience : 130

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Noire Tue Apr 26, 2016 6:32 am

    @Toriel wrote:Name: Ramen Fighter
    Nickname: Noodle
    Gender: Male
    Race: Fallen Spirit
    Age: Infinite
    Birthday: 1/11
    [i]Sexuality
    [i]: ???
    [i]Unique Characteristics[i]:  Always seen in his "Freedom Suit". What he looks like underneath has been unknown since his birth.

    [i]Personality[i]: Ramen loves to talk and have conversation with others. Compared to his samurai, he is the loud one. Ramen Fighter travels with Brushogun because like him, he lost his family. Ramen Fighter is determined to find a new place to call his 'family'. Ramen cannot die. Ramen is an outgoing individual, full of knowledge and intelligence. Although he may be insanely smart, Ramen contains more of a childish outlook in life. Ramen likes, no LOVES, to work in a team. He finds himself more comfortable and free in a friendly environment. Ramen can fly indefinitely. He is an incredibly loyal and trusted ally and friend, always ready to give a helping hand. Ramen is always ready to head out in an adventure. He is also very curious in nature. Ramen is a strong believer in freedom and justice to the very core. If he wanted to, he would be very politically active. He much prefers, rather than get politically involved, to fight for freedom head on, a freedom fighter.


    Ramen, although people may find him immature, is an incredible mind. Rationalizing and finding solutions to a problem is what he does best. It may be that people do not wish to heed to his advice, but in the end they will find out that his source of intelligence is like no other. Due to his high intelligence level, he is an invaluable addition to any team. His strategic thinking and fast problem solving skills will anyone get themselves out of any holes they may find themselves in. Therefore, it is only logical to say he is a great counselor and advisor. In battle, he is most definitely a strategist, but, then again, he can be an amazing soldier... however, he has no physical form. Although he longs to fight for freedom, he depends on his friends for inspiration and motivation to save the world.

    Likes

    - Ramen (Food)
    - His father, Aknaid
    - His grandfather, Kaseki
    - His wife, Bea
    - His daughter, Yuna
    - His mother, Tenshioni

    Dislikes:
    - Blood
    - Halloween
    - Bugs


    Motivations:
    - Equality
    - Freedom
    - Fighting for something he believes in


    Fears/Disgusts:
    - His Grandmother, Xiaowei
    - The Dark
    - His comrade, Brushogun

    Eyes: Red
    Hair: N/A
    Height: 7'7 

    Weight: 29 kg Complexion: Black

    very well done. just one more thing before i can give you the approval.
    move complexion down so it isn't besides weight then your good to go.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    [Training] Ramen 2e5v8dt
    Toriel
    Toriel
    Magikarp VIP

    Gravestone How It's Made I Need A Medic! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Bloodmage's Burden
    Position : None
    Origin : De Fiore
    Posts : 799
    Sacred Shards : 23
    Class : C
    Level : 13
    Experience : 2555

    Character Sheet
    Character Name: Toriel Dremurr
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Primary Magic: ReQuip: Dremurr Armory

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Toriel Wed Apr 27, 2016 1:08 am

    BUUUMP


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Toriel Dreemurr | Frisk Swirly 
    [Training] Ramen 2a4q0bb
    [Training] Ramen 4jvsjp
    Theme Song (Road Taken | Calm)
    Battle Song (Road Taken | Roar)
    Noire
    Noire

    Gravestone I Need A Medic! I'm Important Too! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Gunslinger's Quickdraw
    Position : None
    Origin : Toonville
    Posts : 230
    Sacred Shards : 0
    Class : D
    Level : 1
    Experience : 130

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Noire Wed Apr 27, 2016 1:14 am

    @Toriel wrote:Name: Ramen Fighter
    Nickname: Noodle
    Gender: Male
    Race: Fallen Spirit
    Age: Infinite
    Birthday: 1/11
    [i]Sexuality
    [i]: ???
    [i]Unique Characteristics[i]:  Always seen in his "Freedom Suit". What he looks like underneath has been unknown since his birth.

    [i]Personality[i]: Ramen loves to talk and have conversation with others. Compared to his samurai, he is the loud one. Ramen Fighter travels with Brushogun because like him, he lost his family. Ramen Fighter is determined to find a new place to call his 'family'. Ramen cannot die. Ramen is an outgoing individual, full of knowledge and intelligence. Although he may be insanely smart, Ramen contains more of a childish outlook in life. Ramen likes, no LOVES, to work in a team. He finds himself more comfortable and free in a friendly environment. Ramen can fly indefinitely. He is an incredibly loyal and trusted ally and friend, always ready to give a helping hand. Ramen is always ready to head out in an adventure. He is also very curious in nature. Ramen is a strong believer in freedom and justice to the very core. If he wanted to, he would be very politically active. He much prefers, rather than get politically involved, to fight for freedom head on, a freedom fighter.


    Ramen, although people may find him immature, is an incredible mind. Rationalizing and finding solutions to a problem is what he does best. It may be that people do not wish to heed to his advice, but in the end they will find out that his source of intelligence is like no other. Due to his high intelligence level, he is an invaluable addition to any team. His strategic thinking and fast problem solving skills will anyone get themselves out of any holes they may find themselves in. Therefore, it is only logical to say he is a great counselor and advisor. In battle, he is most definitely a strategist, but, then again, he can be an amazing soldier... however, he has no physical form. Although he longs to fight for freedom, he depends on his friends for inspiration and motivation to save the world.

    Likes

    - Ramen (Food)
    - His father, Aknaid
    - His grandfather, Kaseki
    - His wife, Bea
    - His daughter, Yuna
    - His mother, Tenshioni

    Dislikes:
    - Blood
    - Halloween
    - Bugs


    Motivations:
    - Equality
    - Freedom
    - Fighting for something he believes in


    Fears/Disgusts:
    - His Grandmother, Xiaowei
    - The Dark
    - His comrade, Brushogun

    Eyes: Red
    Hair: N/A
    Height: 7'7 

    Weight: 29 kg 








    Complexion: Black

    not bad. just a few things need doing before approval.
    • move complexion right under weight so it is in line with everything else.
    • take away the [I] from personality, sexuality and unique characteristics. please use the proper code, and don't add anything new into it.

    after these are done, then I'll look through once more before giving my output.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    [Training] Ramen 2e5v8dt
    Toriel
    Toriel
    Magikarp VIP

    Gravestone How It's Made I Need A Medic! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Bloodmage's Burden
    Position : None
    Origin : De Fiore
    Posts : 799
    Sacred Shards : 23
    Class : C
    Level : 13
    Experience : 2555

    Character Sheet
    Character Name: Toriel Dremurr
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Primary Magic: ReQuip: Dremurr Armory

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Toriel Thu Apr 28, 2016 3:23 am

    BUMP


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Toriel Dreemurr | Frisk Swirly 
    [Training] Ramen 2a4q0bb
    [Training] Ramen 4jvsjp
    Theme Song (Road Taken | Calm)
    Battle Song (Road Taken | Roar)
    Noire
    Noire

    Gravestone I Need A Medic! I'm Important Too! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Gunslinger's Quickdraw
    Position : None
    Origin : Toonville
    Posts : 230
    Sacred Shards : 0
    Class : D
    Level : 1
    Experience : 130

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Noire Thu Apr 28, 2016 7:24 am

    @Toriel wrote:Name: Ramen Fighter
    Nickname: Noodle
    Gender: Male
    Race: Fallen Spirit
    Age: Infinite
    Birthday: 1/11
    [i]Sexuality
    [i]: ???
    [i]Unique Characteristics[i]:  Always seen in his "Freedom Suit". What he looks like underneath has been unknown since his birth.

    [i]Personality[i]: Ramen loves to talk and have conversation with others. Compared to his samurai, he is the loud one. Ramen Fighter travels with Brushogun because like him, he lost his family. Ramen Fighter is determined to find a new place to call his 'family'. Ramen cannot die. Ramen is an outgoing individual, full of knowledge and intelligence. Although he may be insanely smart, Ramen contains more of a childish outlook in life. Ramen likes, no LOVES, to work in a team. He finds himself more comfortable and free in a friendly environment. Ramen can fly indefinitely. He is an incredibly loyal and trusted ally and friend, always ready to give a helping hand. Ramen is always ready to head out in an adventure. He is also very curious in nature. Ramen is a strong believer in freedom and justice to the very core. If he wanted to, he would be very politically active. He much prefers, rather than get politically involved, to fight for freedom head on, a freedom fighter.


    Ramen, although people may find him immature, is an incredible mind. Rationalizing and finding solutions to a problem is what he does best. It may be that people do not wish to heed to his advice, but in the end they will find out that his source of intelligence is like no other. Due to his high intelligence level, he is an invaluable addition to any team. His strategic thinking and fast problem solving skills will anyone get themselves out of any holes they may find themselves in. Therefore, it is only logical to say he is a great counselor and advisor. In battle, he is most definitely a strategist, but, then again, he can be an amazing soldier... however, he has no physical form. Although he longs to fight for freedom, he depends on his friends for inspiration and motivation to save the world.

    Likes

    - Ramen (Food)
    - His father, Aknaid
    - His grandfather, Kaseki
    - His wife, Bea
    - His daughter, Yuna
    - His mother, Tenshioni

    Dislikes:
    - Blood
    - Halloween
    - Bugs


    Motivations:
    - Equality
    - Freedom
    - Fighting for something he believes in


    Fears/Disgusts:
    - His Grandmother, Xiaowei
    - The Dark
    - His comrade, Brushogun

    Eyes: Red
    Hair: N/A
    Height: 7'7 

    Weight: 29 kg 
    Complexion: Black

    not bad. just one more thing. In personality, you put her can not die. This can't be allowed. Remove it then go through your spellings and once everything is spell checked and in order, you'll get approved.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    [Training] Ramen 2e5v8dt
    Toriel
    Toriel
    Magikarp VIP

    Gravestone How It's Made I Need A Medic! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Bloodmage's Burden
    Position : None
    Origin : De Fiore
    Posts : 799
    Sacred Shards : 23
    Class : C
    Level : 13
    Experience : 2555

    Character Sheet
    Character Name: Toriel Dremurr
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Primary Magic: ReQuip: Dremurr Armory

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Toriel Thu Apr 28, 2016 6:36 pm

    I never said "her can not die". Could you highlight it for me so I can see what you mean?


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Toriel Dreemurr | Frisk Swirly 
    [Training] Ramen 2a4q0bb
    [Training] Ramen 4jvsjp
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    Battle Song (Road Taken | Roar)
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    Level : 1
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    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Noire Fri Apr 29, 2016 1:15 am

    @Toriel wrote:Name: Ramen Fighter
    Nickname: Noodle
    Gender: Male
    Race: Fallen Spirit
    Age: Infinite
    Birthday: 1/11
    Sexuality
    : ???
    Unique Characteristics:  Always seen in his "Freedom Suit". What he looks like underneath has been unknown since his birth.

    Personality: Ramen loves to talk and have conversation with others. Compared to his samurai, he is the loud one. Ramen Fighter travels with Brushogun because like him, he lost his family. Ramen Fighter is determined to find a new place to call his 'family'. Ramen cannot die. Ramen is an outgoing individual, full of knowledge and intelligence. Although he may be insanely smart, Ramen contains more of a childish outlook in life. Ramen likes, no LOVES, to work in a team. He finds himself more comfortable and free in a friendly environment. Ramen can fly indefinitely. He is an incredibly loyal and trusted ally and friend, always ready to give a helping hand. Ramen is always ready to head out in an adventure. He is also very curious in nature. Ramen is a strong believer in freedom and justice to the very core. If he wanted to, he would be very politically active. He much prefers, rather than get politically involved, to fight for freedom head on, a freedom fighter.


    Ramen, although people may find him immature, is an incredible mind. Rationalizing and finding solutions to a problem is what he does best. It may be that people do not wish to heed to his advice, but in the end they will find out that his source of intelligence is like no other. Due to his high intelligence level, he is an invaluable addition to any team. His strategic thinking and fast problem solving skills will anyone get themselves out of any holes they may find themselves in. Therefore, it is only logical to say he is a great counselor and advisor. In battle, he is most definitely a strategist, but, then again, he can be an amazing soldier... however, he has no physical form. Although he longs to fight for freedom, he depends on his friends for inspiration and motivation to save the world.

    Likes

    - Ramen (Food)
    - His father, Aknaid
    - His grandfather, Kaseki
    - His wife, Bea
    - His daughter, Yuna
    - His mother, Tenshioni

    Dislikes:
    - Blood
    - Halloween
    - Bugs


    Motivations:
    - Equality
    - Freedom
    - Fighting for something he believes in


    Fears/Disgusts:
    - His Grandmother, Xiaowei
    - The Dark
    - His comrade, Brushogun

    Eyes: Red
    Hair: N/A
    Height: 7'7 

    Weight: 29 kg 
    Complexion: Black
    is that good for you?


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    [Training] Ramen 2e5v8dt
    Toriel
    Toriel
    Magikarp VIP

    Gravestone How It's Made I Need A Medic! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Bloodmage's Burden
    Position : None
    Origin : De Fiore
    Posts : 799
    Sacred Shards : 23
    Class : C
    Level : 13
    Experience : 2555

    Character Sheet
    Character Name: Toriel Dremurr
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Primary Magic: ReQuip: Dremurr Armory

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Toriel Fri Apr 29, 2016 1:42 am

    Ah, much better. Removed and BUMP.

    When grading, it helps to be as specific as possible. Highlighting the parts you want people to change are a really helpful factor in trying to convey what needs to be corrected. Leave no room for them to question what it is you meant by using specifics.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Toriel Dreemurr | Frisk Swirly 
    [Training] Ramen 2a4q0bb
    [Training] Ramen 4jvsjp
    Theme Song (Road Taken | Calm)
    Battle Song (Road Taken | Roar)
    Noire
    Noire

    Gravestone I Need A Medic! I'm Important Too! [Training] Ramen Empty

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    Position : None
    Origin : Toonville
    Posts : 230
    Sacred Shards : 0
    Class : D
    Level : 1
    Experience : 130

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Noire Fri Apr 29, 2016 2:03 am

    unless fly independantly means he can fly, your approved. i do mistake a few things but i'm only being safe here.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    [Training] Ramen 2e5v8dt
    Toriel
    Toriel
    Magikarp VIP

    Gravestone How It's Made I Need A Medic! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Bloodmage's Burden
    Position : None
    Origin : De Fiore
    Posts : 799
    Sacred Shards : 23
    Class : C
    Level : 13
    Experience : 2555

    Character Sheet
    Character Name: Toriel Dremurr
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Primary Magic: ReQuip: Dremurr Armory

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Toriel Fri Apr 29, 2016 2:29 am

    @Toriel wrote:Name: Ramen Fighter
    Nickname: Noodle
    Gender: Male
    Race: Fallen Spirit
    Age: Infinite
    Birthday1/11
    Sexuality
    : ???
    Unique Characteristics:  Always seen in his "Freedom Suit". What he looks like underneath has been unknown since his birth.

    Personality: Ramen loves to talk and have conversation with others. Compared to his samurai, he is the loud one. Ramen Fighter travels with Brushogun because like him, he lost his family. Ramen Fighter is determined to find a new place to call his 'family'. Ramen is an outgoing individual, full of knowledge and intelligence. Although he may be insanely smart, Ramen contains more of a childish outlook in life. Ramen likes, no LOVES, to work in a team. He finds himself more comfortable and free in a friendly environment. Ramen can fly indefinitely. He is an incredibly loyal and trusted ally and friend, always ready to give a helping hand. Ramen is always ready to head out in an adventure. He is invincible. He is also very curious in nature. Ramen is a strong believer in freedom and justice to the very core. If he winanted to, he would be very politically active. He much prefers, rather than get politically involved, to fight for freedom head on, a freedom fighter.


    Ramen, although people may find him immature, is an incredible mind. Rationalizing and finding solutions to a problem is what he does best. It may be that people do not wish to heed to his advice, but in the end they will find out that his source of intelligence is like no other. Due to his high intelligence level, he is an invaluable addition to any team. His strategic thinking and fast problem solving skills will anyone get themselves out of any holes they may find themselves in. Therefore, it is only logical to say he is a great counselor and advisor. In battle, he is most definitely a strategist, but, then again, he can be an amazing soldier... however, he has no physical form. Although he longs to fight for freedom, he depends on his friends for inspiration and motivation to save the world.

    Likes

    - Ramen (Food)
    - His father, Aknaid
    - His grandfather, Kaseki
    - His wife, Bea
    - His daughter, Yuna
    - His mother, Tenshioni

    Dislikes:
    - Blood
    - Halloween
    - Bugs


    Motivations:
    - Equality
    - Freedom
    - Fighting for something he believes in


    Fears/Disgusts:
    - His Grandmother, Xiaowei
    - The Dark
    - His comrade, Brushogun

    Eyes: Red
    Hair: N/A
    Height: 7'7 

    Weight: 29 kg 
    Complexion: Black


    1. For the birthday we prefer to use words over numbers for clarity.
    2. You would have let a person get away with endless, no limit flying. Also that says "indefinitely" and not "independently".
    3. You would have also given Ramen full invincibility as well. 
    4. The height is wrong. Tell me what is wrong with it so i may fix it.
    5. It's covered from head to toe in grammar mistakes. Go through and highlight where they are so i may fix them.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Toriel Dreemurr | Frisk Swirly 
    [Training] Ramen 2a4q0bb
    [Training] Ramen 4jvsjp
    Theme Song (Road Taken | Calm)
    Battle Song (Road Taken | Roar)
    Noire
    Noire

    Gravestone I Need A Medic! I'm Important Too! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Gunslinger's Quickdraw
    Position : None
    Origin : Toonville
    Posts : 230
    Sacred Shards : 0
    Class : D
    Level : 1
    Experience : 130

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Noire Tue May 03, 2016 1:07 am

    [quote="Toriel"]
    @Toriel wrote:Name: Ramen Fighter
    Nickname: Noodle
    Gender: Male
    Race: Fallen Spirit
    Age: Infinite
    Birthday: 1/11
    Sexuality
    : ???
    Unique Characteristics:  Always seen in his "Freedom Suit". What he looks like underneath has been unknown since his birth.

    Personality: Ramen loves to talk and have conversation with others. Compared to his samurai, he is the loud one. Ramen Fighter travels with Brushogun because like him, he lost his family. Ramen Fighter is determined to find a new place to call his 'family'. Ramen is an outgoing individual, full of knowledge and intelligence. Although he may be insanely smart, Ramen contains more of a childish outlook in life. Ramen likes, no LOVES, to work in a team. He finds himself more comfortable and free in a friendly environment. Ramen can fly indefinitely. He is an incredibly loyal and trusted ally and friend, always ready to give a helping hand. Ramen is always ready to head out in an adventure. He is invincible. He is also very curious in nature. Ramen is a strong believer in freedom and justice to the very core. If he winanted to, he would be very politically active. He much prefers, rather than get politically involved, to fight for freedom head on, a freedom fighter.


    Ramen, although people may find him immature, is an incredible mind. Rationalizing and finding solutions to a problem is what he does best. It may be that people do not wish to heed to his advice, but in the end they will find out that his source of intelligence is like no other. Due to his high intelligence level, he is an invaluable addition to any team. His strategic thinking and fast problem solving skills will anyone get themselves out of any holes they may find themselves in. Therefore, it is only logical to say he is a great counselor and advisor. In battle, he is most definitely a strategist, but, then again, he can be an amazing soldier... however, he has no physical form. Although he longs to fight for freedom, he depends on his friends for inspiration and motivation to save the world.

    Likes

    - Ramen (Food)
    - His father, Aknaid
    - His grandfather, Kaseki
    - His wife, Bea
    - His daughter, Yuna
    - His mother, Tenshioni

    Dislikes:
    - Blood
    - Halloween
    - Bugs


    Motivations:
    - Equality
    - Freedom
    - Fighting for something he believes in


    Fears/Disgusts:
    - His Grandmother, Xiaowei
    - The Dark
    - His comrade, Brushogun

    Eyes: Red
    Hair: N/A
    Height:7'7
    [size=12]Weight: 29 kg 

    Complexion: Black
    • change your birthday to month and day in words, not numbers.
    • remove the indefinite flight and invincibility, as this is seen as god modding.
    • change height to feet and inches, 7'7 is not feet and inches.
    • review all the app and correct any and ALL grammar errors. these are not acceptable.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    [Training] Ramen 2e5v8dt
    Toriel
    Toriel
    Magikarp VIP

    Gravestone How It's Made I Need A Medic! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Bloodmage's Burden
    Position : None
    Origin : De Fiore
    Posts : 799
    Sacred Shards : 23
    Class : C
    Level : 13
    Experience : 2555

    Character Sheet
    Character Name: Toriel Dremurr
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Primary Magic: ReQuip: Dremurr Armory

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Toriel Tue May 10, 2016 8:51 pm

    Some edits made.

    For the other edits for the future, highlighting them in a color (red is best used for mistakes, but others can be done too) helps others find the mistakes you want them to correct easier.

    - For the height, what exactly is wrong with it?


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Toriel Dreemurr | Frisk Swirly 
    [Training] Ramen 2a4q0bb
    [Training] Ramen 4jvsjp
    Theme Song (Road Taken | Calm)
    Battle Song (Road Taken | Roar)
    Toriel
    Toriel
    Magikarp VIP

    Gravestone How It's Made I Need A Medic! [Training] Ramen Empty

    Lineage : Bloodmage's Burden
    Position : None
    Origin : De Fiore
    Posts : 799
    Sacred Shards : 23
    Class : C
    Level : 13
    Experience : 2555

    Character Sheet
    Character Name: Toriel Dremurr
    Alignment: Lawful Good
    Primary Magic: ReQuip: Dremurr Armory

    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

    Post by Toriel Tue May 17, 2016 4:47 am

    Due to failure to respond in a timely manner, I must fail you. We will try again in the future.


    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Toriel Dreemurr | Frisk Swirly 
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    [Training] Ramen Empty Re: [Training] Ramen

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